Now that I’ve actually launched this blog, and put some of my thoughts out there for public consumption (which was a big deal for me, and a big thank you to everyone who has responded!), I’m wondering, what’s next? My goal is to post two or three times each week and so far I’m finding it a challenge to keep up with my goal. I have so much more to say – at least 9 years (the age of my child) and more like half a century’s worth of thoughts, opinions, conclusions and musings. They cover a wide range of subjects and at the moment coherence is in short supply. So I’m going to take a little time to make mind maps (see The Mind Map Book: Unlock Your Creativity, Boost Your Memory, Change Your Life by Tony Buzan) to help identify, clarify and organise my writing.
In the meantime, here’s a quick update on the topics I’ve covered so far:
Mothering: today, mothering stinks. Once again it is pushing me to the furthest reaches of what I can tolerate. Is it me? Is it her? Is it (and wouldn’t this be convenient) her father’s fault? Of course, it is none of the above. It just is what it is, which is (yet) another opportunity to become aware of how I operate, and to learn how to make conscious choices about how to behave. Very little is in my control (I hate that!) and although I say the words, I find it hard to actually let go and let God. ‘Thy will be done,’ and all that.
Home Education: Thank goodness it’s the summer holidays! This is the excuse I need to virtually ignore formal education. Healing is the summer’s theme – helping my child heal from whatever ails her, and trying to heal our relationship. The big challenge for me is trusting: trusting that doing nothing is helpful and necessary, trusting that what my child needs will become clearer, trusting that I can provide or facilitate that.
Weight loss: I’ve stopped buying chocolate and biscuits in bulk in the weekly shop. I’ve read Eat Right 4 Your Type by Dr Peter D’Adamo, and am paying some attention to some of its principles, mainly the avoidance of wheat, dairy and sugar. My lovely neighbour fixed my bicycle and I’ve tested it very gleefully on a short ride to the seaside. The bookmark that’s meant to remind me why I want to give up the chocolate habit is actually in a book I am reading.
For the purposes of full disclosure, I still eat cakes and scones in cafes and on a couple of particularly harrowing days, have gone out to buy big bags of chocolate. I have not checked back in with the book I’m allegedly using to support me in changing the chocolate habit. I have lost no weight yet. As I’m always telling my child, Patience is a virtue.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.